Tuesday, December 9, 2008

9th December - Of mice and mackeral

Last night I didn't wash up my dinner plate. My damp sheets beckoned and I just had to go to bed, casting aspersions to the idea of doing any household chores.

I should have learnt by now, I have already had an episode that I don't want repeated, but do I listen? No. It's not about being house proud, it's more about not providing and watering hole for the entire population of local mice to come and visit, chat a while with their friends about the day. Find out if the recession has affected the neighbours, all two million of them. Maybe even have a drink and bite to eat, compare who can flatten their skull to fit through the eye of a sewing needle the fastest. And, who hadn't turned up tonight because they had been invited out to a special lunch with the new Kestral family in town.

But provide a watering hole I did. The biggest mistake was to leave a 30mm long piece of bone from the mackerel which I had devoured earlier, on the plate. It must have caused a frenzy. It would appear that when mice get excited they leave a concentration of miniature brown tic tak like deposits. But these little critters aren't going to improve your breath if you ingest them, they are going to kill you.

The bones left on my plate were abandoned, 3ft from the original scene of the crime. My mind wandered onto the conversion that took place between the assailants. "Oi, look Terry, that looks like Mackeral bones, think we'll have some of that, geese us an 'and will you?" Heave, heave, heave. "Bloody 'ell, didn't think these would be this slippery, pull ya weight will you? Oh shit, QUICK, SCARPER someone's coming!"

And shit they did.

I have never been a fan of bleach, indeed the bottle that I owned in my last house would have probably fetched a fortune on that well known auction site, being a collector's piece and all. But now, I use it like a woman possessed.

I never really liked tic taks much.

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